All the leaves are falling...Winter is now here--Charlie Hall

I love Charlie Hall. His lyrics have really hit me hard on his latest CD. I really feel like some of them were written just for me, at just this time in my life. To be honest, I have been doing pretty good lately (dealing with my mom's death), but when Thanksgiving came, it hit me hard. I couldn't even describe how I felt, until Alan prayed about it and talked to me. The feeling I had inside was (and still is on some days) EMPTINESS. It is such a hard feeling for me. I can't think of a time in my life when I have felt such utter saddness. I feel like I am running at about 70% lately. I can go out with my friends and I have to force myself to interact. It's nothing on their part, but everything on my part. I feel like I could sit in the car with Alan and just not talk, but I know that's not the best thing to do.

I am struggling with the balance of feeling the feelings, but not slipping into depression. I learned that you are depressed when you know what the cause is, but it's depression when you don't have a reason for the sadness. Last night, I just cried, Alan ran his hands through my hair and comforted me (when I got up to go to the bathroom, my hair looked like Einstein!!). I love him for that. Apparently grief goes through seasons...I am in the winter, but I will cling on to Jesus and His promises. One day, He will wipe the tears from my eyes and I will be united with Him...and see my mom again.

"All the leaves are falling, winter is now here, the spring is coming...and you can bloom again." I will bloom again. This isn't the last winter, but I know I have many more springs ahead of me.