Christmas Time

Okay, so I have known since Thanksgiving that this holiday season would be one of the hardest ever...that sucks, going into the season know how hard it will be, but I don't think you can really anticipate what you will be feeling, when you will feel it or how hard it will hit you.

Alan asked me if I had good Christmases growing up...I really can't remember a "good" Christmas as a kid. They got better as I grew up, but as a young kid, I don't remember much. I do remember the year that Mom got our presents from the second hand store and I remember my sister crying because she got a "boy's sweater." I don't even really remember what I got. I also remember finding out (years after the fact) that one year all of our presents had been stolen from the back of someone else's car, I don't remember those gifts either. The one Christmas I do remember was the first Christmas after my mom had her first job and was "clean." We lived with our Uncle Jerry and mom was so excited, she found 2 bikes at Toys R Us for my sisters. Christmas morning came and they fought over who would get which bike! Now, granted, I knew this would happen-Mom showed me the bikes and they were 2 different bikes, one of which was, well, let's just say not as cute as the other. In my eyes, a fight was inevitable. I don't remember the end result, if either of my sisters settled for the ugly bike, but I do remember mom was a bit crushed. Again, not sure what I got that year.

When we moved to Montana, Christmases were better. We spent them with LOTS of family, which was the most important and memorable part of Christmas for me...

So, there I was, Christmas Eve 2008, singing (on stage) at church when I looked out into the congregation and I saw a mom and daughter...the daughter's head was on her mom's chest, mom leaned down and kissed her on her forehead and I had to fight back the tears and just make it to the end of the service. It just reminded me of my mom and how much I really missed her this Christmas. I know that's all I really seem to write about--missing my mom, but just understand that this is how I get my feelings out and how I remember them.